Stepping out of Your Husband's Position and Role
Allowing Him to become the Leader He's Called to be
Have you ever heard the term “she wears the pants in that relationship,” or “she is the head of that household”? How about this one, “When she says, ‘Jump,’ he asks, “How high”? I’m sure that you have heard all of these terms used at one time or another. These are some of the things that people often say when they see a wife who is determined to be in charge and will not allow her husband to be the leader that God has created and called him to be.
This is a serious pitfall for a woman who is sincerely trying to walk in her role as a wife and genuinely desiring to have a loving, healthy and thriving marriage. A pitfall is a hidden trap or stumbling block. It is unsuspected danger. A pitfall is difficulty that is not easily recognized. It is a problem that is not obvious at first. And I want to talk to you about this particular pitfall that many women step right into from the very beginning of their marriages and tell you just why it is a problem and how it is a stumbling block. This kind of controlling behavior undermines the divine structure and plan that God Himself gave to us.
Ephesians 5:22-24 (AMP) says, “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as [a service] to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as Christ is head of the church, Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also wives should be subject to their husbands in everything [respecting both their position as protector and their responsibility to God as head of the house].”
God has placed the husband in a place of leadership in his home. This is his God-ordained role and responsibility. He is the head. God has given to him a position of authority and the wife is to place herself under that authority. Here is just one very important reason why:
Authority gives one the freedom to decide and the right to act without any hindrance. The concept of authority is to have the power, ability, or capability to complete an action.
So you see, it really is problematic for a woman to continually push and pull her husband in this direction and that direction in an attempt to always have her way. A woman who insists on being the one in charge is walking right into unsuspected danger and difficulty. And the woman who is in a habit of manipulating her husband to do what she wants him to do and punishing him somehow when he doesn’t, ends up with a marriage that is in a certain condition.
I have heard these words many times: “I have to take charge because he won’t.” Here are a couple of problems with that. First of all, when a wife steps into her husband’s role, it is impossible for him to then walk in his God-ordained role, because she is occupying that place. As long as a wife is walking in the husband’s role, he cannot occupy it. A wife must allow her husband to walk in his role even if he is not doing it perfectly. She must allow him to make mistakes. The more he practices it, the more he will grow in it. He must have the opportunity to grow. How will your husband ever learn to make good, solid decisions for you and your family if you are always stepping in or interfering?
Is your husband a good leader? You may have contributed to that in ways that you have not even been aware of. Is your husband a poor leader? You may need to ask yourself if you have in some way contributed to that. If you continue to occupy his place as the leader in your marriage, you may find that he just gives up trying. He grows tired of the battle and the fight, so he complies in order to shut your fussing and complaining up and have some peace in his life. Is that what you really want? He may even become resentful and unfeeling. Girl, if you have fallen into this trap, it’s time to turn this thing around! Relinquish control. Take OFF his pants. Let him wear his own trousers in your relationship and home! STOP all the pushing and pulling. Allow him to lead unhindered. Acknowledge his headship and begin to honor him in a way that will lead to his reaching his full potential.
When you willingly submit to your husband, you free him up to accomplish everything God has called him to do without any hindrance. You contribute to his becoming all that God has created him to be and all that you need him to be.
Jennifer Rash
I have dedicated three chapters of The Path to Becoming a Proverbs 31 Wife: Walking in Your God-given Role to helping women understand just what submission really is all about and what God’s purpose for it is. Will you take the 31-day challenge?
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